So many ways to have good clean fun…

The human capacity for hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me.  On September 11^th, 2001 our nation was callously and cruelly attacked by terrorists.  This is fact, it happened, it cannot be disputed, cannot be covered up.  Within minutes of this outrage the American “public” let out a rallying cry for revenge, justice, and punishing the parties responsible, kind of responsible, related to those responsible, or failing that, having met the responsible parties once at a cocktail party.

“WE” as a voting public wanted the war in Iraq. “WE” as a voting public loudly embraced the president’s decision to search for Bin Ladin.  Now, 8 years after the fact the only thing that matters to the conscientious objectors of our great, wonderful, nation is the fact that we are losing men in Iraq.  Guess what?  IT’S A FREAKING WAR PEOPLE.  One thing about our Army, Air force, Navy, and Marines, they are ALL volunteers.  NOONE holds a gun to their head and says “Join the military”.  Welcome to America.

As of last count, the US death total stands at a shade over 4100 http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/ops/iraq_casualties.htm

This is over the course of almost 6 years, which averages out to about 700 per year.  I of course am sympathetic to anyone who loses a family member.  However, THEY JOINED THE FREAKING ARMY!  Be upset, be sad, be angry at the people who killed them, but for Pete’s sake, don’t be mad at the country that told them to do their jobs!

These people who post the casualty numbers in an effort to scare, alarm, and excite the general public are manipulating you to think as they do.  YES 4150 deaths is a lot, but when opposed to the 2.1 MILLION service members currently serving in either an active capacity or a reserve capacity it’s a drop in the bucket.  Every year in the US OVER 40000 deaths occur as a result of an auto accident, which gives you a 1 in 6250 chance of dying every year from an auto accident (Assuming 250 million living in America).

http://www.car-accidents.com/pages/stats.html

As such, if you want to survive to 80 you will have had 80 chances in 6250 to die from a car wreck (that’s about 1 in 800 for you mathematicians out there.)  Conversely, the military members SERVING our country have only a 1 in 2857 chance of dying PER year the war goes on.

I wonder who’s safest.

The problem, as it was in Vietnam is a deep-seated inability of Americans to give a crap about anyone but ourselves.  The “Ugly American” stereotype is loudly decried, and shrugged off as simple racism, or jealousy from less fortunate countries.  Unfortunately we prove it time and time again when we as a country involve ourselves in global affairs, and fail to follow through, or keep our word.  We prove time and time again that other peoples suffering means nothing beside the siren cry of “bring our boys home”.  We have proved already in one country of the world, that we are willing to support them only so long as we don’t get our hands dirty.

Now, those who would claim that I have no room to talk, as I haven’t lost a family member or close friend to the war, would no doubt be correct.  I HAVE however lost both my parents, and 2 uncles to alcohol and cigarettes.

Yet strangely enough I don’t blame the liquor companies, nor the cigarette companies.  After all, my parents, and uncles all Volunteered to drink and smoke.

This is an interesting story.  Apparently the friends and family are outraged over the cops shooting this guys who was a “harmless eccentric”.  Apparently the “harmless eccentric”  was an avid collector of german and nazi paraphernalia, he also enjoyed shooting rifles, and shot guns inside his apartment.  I’m not quite sure, but somehow if I were a cop, going to investigate shootings, and I opened the door to see a college kid all decked out in the Reich’s uniform pointing a rifle at me… well, I might just shoot his ass too.  Scratch that, I WOULD shoot him, after all, better me then him right?

Now, what I DON’T get about this story is that apparently the two cops shot this guys 7 times….. I could see once apiece, I could even see twice apiece, but 7 times? were they competing or something?  Were they using automatic pistols?  I mean honestly, you shoot someone in the chest 3 or 4 times, they are going down…. were they trying to prop the guy up with bullets? “HES LEANING TO THE LEFT! SHOOT HIM IN THE RIGHT!”

I mean seriously, how about a little bit of discrection?

Ok… so who the hell throws a shoe at a visiting head of state?  I mean seriously, I heard so many people talking about our President being an idiot and yadda yadda because some Iraqi reporter threw a shoe at him.  Well, I for one think he did pretty well dodging both the damn things (he moves pretty spryly for an old boy)  I mean don’t get me wrong I dislike him as much as the next guy, but give the man his due.

Personally in my opinion the Iraqi’s a freaking idiot who ought to be shot (accidentally of course).  I mean of all the freaking idiotic things you can do….

*An Al Qaeda camp somewhere in Iraq 3 days ago*

Habbib:  Hail Brother!  are you ready to punish the infidels for their dangerous, corrupt, pagan, impure, hedonistic, unIslamic, pork eating ways?!

Muntazer:  YES BROTHER! I have spent the last 2 years infiltrating the traitorous news networks of our desert oasis paradise. Now I shall have my REVENGE!                                   I  shall PUNISH the yankee scum for their transgressions!

Habbib:  YES BROTHER! JIHAD ON THE DOGS!  what will you use to destroy them?  C4?  a pipe bomb?  an IED?

Muntazer: NO!  I WILL USE!….. MY SHOES!…

Habbib:  ………

On a side note Muntazer was released from service within the Al Qaeda organization, and unconfirmed sources say he cries himself to sleep over the loss of  respect this has cost him.  He is reported to repeat to himself over and over again in his cell “but they always said my feet my most deadly weapons”

Oh well, I tremble to think what new retarded idea of protest we’ll see out of Iraq on the Morrow.  Good Night!

OK, so I’m sure some of you have heard about the new proposed legislation in California.  You know, the one where they want to euthanize every single Pit bull?  What you may NOT know is that I am completely in favor of this.  Yes, I know its amazing to hear, but let me explain.  according to www.dogbitelaw.com there are roughly 20 deaths per year from dog bites.  THIS IS ATROCIOUS AND CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE!  Furthermore, there are almost 5 million bites period per year.  Therefore ladies and gentlemen I have to say that this law must be upheld by EVERY god fearing American man, woman, and child.  However, I have to admit that the scale needs to be increased.  according to this same website over 65% of the fatalities caused by dog bites were by pit bulls, rottweilers, Presa Canarios(whatever the hell those are), and their mixes.  So therefore we need to exterminate them as well.  Also, the article glosses over how Many of those almost 5 million dog bites per year are not those three breeds, so I respectfully submit that we need to kill all other breeds as well.

Of course this is in the interests of keeping our public safe, so we CANNOT afford to ignore several other hazards as well.  For example, according to science direct there are roughly 100 deaths per year to Americans FIVE TIMES THE NUMBER FROM DOG BITES!  Therefore, I feel it is our duty to ban lightning.  We can put up massive shields made from the bodies of all the euthanized dogs to keep out storm systems.  Next, we have bees THESE MURDEROUS INSECTS MUST DIE!  Every year according to http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/reprint/117/1/231.pdf  bees kill roughly 40 Americans.  THAT’S TWICE THE NUMBER OF THOSE MURDEROUS CANINES! Harmless little honey makers indeed!

Moving on, you thought that once we get rid of those murderous canines your home will be safe? NOT LIKELY!  All you have to do is look at those calculating felines to just KNOW they are plotting against us.  According to http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic333.htm Almost 22000 of us are hospitalized every year from cat scratch fever! (No, not the one from the song). The MEDIAN costs for this disease in the hospital is almost 46000 dollars.  The little bastards are trying to bankrupt us! I say kill them too and add them to the rotting anti lightning dog wall.

Next we have a personal “favorite” of mine, fires.  Almost two years ago my parents were killed in a house fire.  It was started probably by a cigarette and they joined (according to http://hazmat.dot.gov/riskmgmt/riskcompare.htm) roughly 3300 other souls who died in the same manner.  Now that is a number that’s PER year, as you can see fire is more deadly then everything else put together so far.  Therefore I move that we abolish fire.  Now obviously this may be difficult, but Ive thought it out.  First, since our rotting dog, cat, and various insect wall is keeping the lightning out we don’t have to worry about naturally occurring fires.  SO, we take all the wood (because you can rub two sticks together to make fire)  and throw it in the ocean.  Next, we dig out all the sulfur, potassium, and other minerals that you use to make match heads, and throw it in a nuclear reactor.  Of course I realize this would put all the people who use fire for their daily activities at a loss, but you will be contributing to the safety of the country.  Next of course we need to remove all lighters.  To do that we need to immediately halt all production of flammable fluids, kerosene, gasoline, light fluid etc.  This has the effect of killing two birds with one stone.  We stop fires, AND we stop moving vehicle collisions (another 37000 per year)

Continuing on, the only material that was have to build our houses with at this time would be stone, and brick.  However, these are both dangerous substances that would also have to be abolished.  We also of course could not wear any clothes as sheep can be very dangerous if you are stepped on, and synthetics require too many deadly chemicals.  So we can all live injury, and accident free in a massive communal nudist colony located somewhere in California.  Now granted this would only be a short-term solution considering the San Andreas fault might erupt killing us all. As such I believe our final solution would be mass suicide inside of our rotting cat/dog/insect wall.  After all…

Its the only way to be safe